It would seem to me that
the easiest thing in the world would be to sit down and when a
waitress comes around to take your drink order, just order what
you want. But I guess people have to make it harder than it
is! So here goes...
"What do you have?"
This is a very stupid
question. Another very stupid question is, "Do you have a drink
menu?" I mean, you're at a nickel slot machine, not a fine
dining French restaurant. I understand that people sometimes
want a selection to choose from, but when you're in a casino,
there are literally endless choices. Another stupid question
is, "What's good?" It never fails that if I suggest something
like, "How about a vodka and tonic?" The answer is, "I don't
like vodka." So I've learned not to be helpful. If you really
need help deciding, you could say something like, "Can you
suggest something sweet/strong/to knock her off her ass so I can
get laid?" (That last part was a joke.) But the ultimate most
frustrating order is when someone says, "Bring me anything."
I've actually gotten into arguments with people when I try to
get them to be more specific: "What kind of drinks do you
like?" "Anything." "Beer, wine, mixed drinks, coffee?"
"Anything, anything!" Now I just say, as I'm walking away, "OK,
water it is." Suddenly "anything" doesn't include water. So
don't be an idiot, you know what you like to drink, so just
order it! Most casinos will have an assortment of mixed drinks,
beers, wines, sodas, coffees, hot teas, hot chocolate, and
bottled water. Unless you're a high roller, you're not going to
get the premium brands of anything. If you want to try
something new, something exotic, something exciting, you're not
going to find it at a slot machine or a blackjack table. Drinks
while you're gambling are meant to keep you playing. They're
just little perks that are supposed to make you a little happier
while you're losing, and to give you something to celebrate with
when you're winning. That's all. It's not supposed to be a
stressful ordeal, so don't think too hard at it.
"What kind of beer do
This is like the first
question, but asked more often. Now, everyone who asks this
question has a certain beer in mind, so it saves everyone time
if you just say, "Do you have Heineken?" Because nine times out
of ten, after I recite the twenty beers we have, the customer
will say, "I'll have a Bud." That is annoying.
"Do you have Bud?"
Everybody has Bud.
Ordering more than one
drink at a time.
This is against any
casino's house policy. End of story. So if you want two beers
and the waitress will only give you one, don't give her a hard
time. Two drinks means two alcoholic drinks. So if you order a
double shot, the same rule applies. I've worked in casinos
where the house is very strict on no double shots under any
circumstance, and waitresses have actually gotten in trouble for
being caught on camera doing so. If it's busy, please don't
order two drinks, even if it's a beer and a Coke. When you're
playing at the blackjack table, the "no two drink" rule really
applies. The more room you take up on her tray, the longer
everyone will have to wait for a drink, and that includes you.
I know it's all about you, but everyone else is thinking the
same thing. It doesn't matter what your reasoning is, even if
the waitress takes an hour to come around, you absolutely are
not allowed to have more than one drink at a time.
Never whistle, snap
your fingers, or yell for a waitress, and never, ever, ever,
touch, tap, or poke a cocktail waitress!!!
We cocktail waitresses may
be bitches, but we aren't dogs, so don't whistle for us! We
don't respond well to snapping fingers or "Hey!" yelled from
across the casino, and we don't respond to "clappers" (clap on,
I have had people pull on
my hair, slap my back, pull on my skirt, poke me between the
shoulders, pinch my arm, kick me, touch my leg...all because
they want a drink! And you may think, oh my god, what kinds of
places did you work at? What kinds of people would do that?
Well, it's not always the young, drunk guys. More often they're
middle-aged women, grandfatherly men, young attractive girls,
people you would assume have raised kids and grandkids, or have
professional careers. And these things happened not because I
was rude or walking away or ignoring them (I would never do
that!), it was always as I was taking an order from another
customer. When I am coming down the aisle taking orders, you
don't need to wave your arms frantically to try to get my
attention. If I am taking orders from people who aren't doing
that, why do you think you need to? I'm not going to skip all
the people before you and just take your order. In the same
way, if you sit calmly, I'm not going to say, "You weren't
waving your arms frantically, so I'm not going to take your
order." So relax, play your machine, and don't act like a fool
even if you are one!
"I've been waiting an
It really amazes me how
people are suddenly human stopwatches when they're in a casino.
They always know that they've been waiting exactly an hour for
the cocktail waitress. Gosh, there sure are a lot of patient
customers! If you've really waited an hour for the waitress to
come around to take orders, you're either too cheap to go to a
bar and buy your drink, or you're not that thirsty. Look, I'm
not saying that it's never the waitress's fault, or that you
should never complain, I'm just saying be truthful, and make
your complaint legitimate. I honestly believe that people enjoy
complaining because it gives them a sense of power. Sadly, if
you're getting a power rush by coming to Vegas and complaining
because it's taking too long to get your free beer, you must not
have too much value in the real world.
There should always be a
point to the things you say, and what is your point in making
this comment? Even if you have been waiting an hour, I can't go
back in time and bring your drink and hour ago. So you are
wasting more time by making this comment. Just think, the
sooner you give your order, the sooner I can get your drink to
you. Make sense?
I once had a group of
young guys that I served right when I came on shift. They were
sitting pretty close to my bar and I had brought them a couple
rounds in about twenty minutes, they were pretty fast beer
drinkers. As I was walking back to the bar from taking an order
from another area, a security guard approached me and pointed to
the group of guys and said that they had told him they hadn't
seen a cocktail waitress in an hour. I said, "Oh, really?" I
looked over at them, and they were looking at me, waving their
arms, pointing at their beers. I just ignored them and went to
the bar to get my drinks. They saw that I didn't acknowledge
them, so a couple of the guys walked up to me and said, "Hey,
can we get another round over there?" I said, "Did you tell
that security guard that you've been waiting an hour for a
cocktail waitress?" He immediately put his hands up and said,
"That wasn't me, that was him," and pointed to his friend. That
guy said, "No, I swear to god I didn't say that." I said,
"So...the security guard just made that up?" He said, "He must
have." I said, "OK guys, here's the deal. I've only been on
shift for half an hour and I've brought you guys two rounds
already, but whatever. It's 3:30 now, at 4:30 I'll bring you
guys another round, then you'll know what an hour feels like."
The first guy very wisely said, "Hey, you know, that's cool.
We're gonna take off now, sorry about all this."
Ordering from any
waitress that walks by.
Do not stop me to order a
drink if I am just walking by you. Customers who sit next to
the bars where the waitresses get their orders often think that
they are purposely being ignored because they see a hundred
waitresses walking by, and "not one" of them will ask them if
they want a drink. This is totally stupid. Of course you have
a waitress who will serve you, but because you see so many
waitresses walk by you, you think you're being ignored. Your
waitress will come around to take orders just like she does for
the customers sitting in her section who are further away.
Also, don't order a drink
from me and tell me to come find you in the sports book on the
other side of the casino. Wherever you are going to play, just
start playing and the waitress who is working your section will
take your order. If you're thinking, "The waitress never comes
around so I have to order from the first waitress I see," how do
you know she never comes around? You haven't even given her a
chance. But if you know for a fact she doesn't come around and
you're that desperate for a drink, find a bar and buy one. If
the real reason is because you're too cheap, or if it's the
"principle" of the whole thing, that you're gambling so you
shouldn't have to pay for it, then stand firm on that
principle...which proves you really don't want a drink that
badly after all.
Order for yourself.
It is very annoying when
I'm taking orders for someone to say, "Oh, they want a drink
down there." I always say, "Do you want a drink?"
Usually they'll say, "Oh, yeah, another Miller Lite." Or if
they say "No," it always happens that when I get to the people
that they were pointing to, they'll yell to me, "OK, I'll have
another Miller Lite." Do you see how complicated and
unnecessary that whole scenario is? I know what I'm
doing, I know to ask everyone in my section if they want
a drink, so believe it or not, you don't have to point out to me
who else needs a drink. I mean, do you think that before you
came along I was crying to my friends, "Woe is me...what do I
do? Should I ask everyone in my station if they want a drink?
Is that my job as a cocktail waitress, to offer everyone a
drink? Or should I randomly skip people? Oh, if only a smart,
helpful customer would come along, someone who knows how to do
my job, and let me know exactly who does and doesn't need a
Ordering when the
cocktail waitress is dropping off a drink.
If you want a drink right
away, the smartest thing to do is to find a waitress that is
taking orders and sit down at a machine or table that she is
approaching. It always makes me laugh when people see me bring
a drink to someone, sit down next to that person and say, "Can
we get a drink?" Well guess what, obviously I was just here
taking orders, which is why this person is getting a drink, so
you will most likely hear me say, "I'll be back to take
orders." Why can't I take your order now? Because I have
another section to take orders from, and those people have been
waiting a lot longer than you have. Now, if it's not busy, or
if I have to pass this way again on to my next section, or if
I'm just nice (which I am!), then I will take your order.
Don't help yourself.
One very important thing
you should remember is "Never, ever take drinks off the
waitress' tray." Your heart may be in the right place,
thinking you are helping her, but you may find a tray full of
drinks falling in your lap! It's not an angry waitress seeking
evil pleasure...it's physics at work. If you don't understand,
try it at home. Hold a tray or plate in one hand and place some
glasses on top. Now have someone grab one or two off the tray
and see if you don't find yourself going, "Whoa...shit!" Unless
a drink is taken off very slowly, with the person holding
the tray paying close attention, it is nearly impossible to keep
the tray balanced. So don't do it! The only time the tray
won't tip is if there are two hands holding the tray with
one hand holding the side, which may be the case when I'm very
busy, and I will usually say, "Those two Coronas are yours, if
you guys want to grab them." So, unless the waitress asks you
to, please don't ever touch anything on her tray. And don't
help yourself to change from her tray. If you need change for a
five, let her take money off of her tray to give it to you.
Another thing, when a
waitress comes by to take orders and she happens to have drinks
on her tray, don't point to one and say, "I'll take that one,"
and of course don't just grab a drink that looks like something
you'd like. This is not your own privately catered party; the
waitress is taking orders, not offering drinks from her tray.
First of all, like the above, never take drinks off the
tray. Second, whatever drinks she has on there has already been
ordered by someone and she just happens to be taking orders
before she delivers them. And third, and something you will
actually care about, is that most likely the drinks you see are
dirty glasses. I've had people grab a glass off my tray and
just start guzzling it down. Hey, go for it...you just drank
some sweaty redneck's tobacco juice - yum! Now, there are times
when a waitress has "extra" drinks on her tray, something
someone ordered and then left, or for whatever reason. You can
always ask if those drinks are extra, and she may give it to
you. Most of the time I don't give people a drink I already
have, and that's because 9 times out of 10 people will stiff
me. People are very strange; they don't like to wait for a
drink, but if the drink is immediately available, they think
there's been no effort on my part, and they stiff me because,
"she had it on her tray anyway." Now, I have had very smart
customers come up to me and say, "How about I buy that beer off
you?" Of course I say, "How much?" And if we can negotiate
a good deal, I'll give him the beer, even if someone else had
already ordered it. I can always run back to the bar and get
another one to replace it, or I'll make up an excuse when I get
to that person as to why I don't have it.
At the bar.
When you walk up to the
bar to order from the bartender, don't stand in the waitress'
well (the area where the waitresses order their drinks).
You can tell it's the waitress' area because usually it's
blocked off by a wall, has a lower counter, or, strangely
enough, it has cocktail waitresses there. You would be
surprised how many people walk right past customers sitting at
the bar and go into the waitress' station, push their way in
between the girls and try to order from the bartender. And
when you tell them they have to go back out and order like a
normal customer, they are genuinely surprised and confused, even
irritated. I don't know about you, but I've never walked
into McDonald's and went behind the counter and ordered a Big
Another thing you should
never do at the bar is help yourself to the cherries or olives
or whatever from the fruit tray. Why? Because it's
not a help-yourself-buffet, and it's a health violation.
If you need a lime, just ask the bartender or cocktail waitress,
and they will get it for you.
When you order from the
bartender, you have to pay for your drinks (unless you're
gambling at the bar, but even then, sometimes the drinks are not
comped). It doesn't matter if you've been gambling in the
casino and haven't seen the cocktail waitress in an hour, it
doesn't matter if you're going to be playing a slot machine
right next to the bar, the bartender has to charge you, even for
a coffee or bottled water.
If you walk up to the bar
and order from the cocktail waitress, she will tell you that you
have to order from the bartender. That's because she's not
allowed to serve you drinks at the bar, even if you offer to pay
for them. So if you say, "I'll just wait right here for
you to bring me a coffee," she's not allowed to do it.
It's considered stealing from the company if a customer is given
a drink at the bar without it being paid for. If you
really want a drink that badly, at least sit down at a slot
machine close by and pretend you're playing. That way you
can get your drink and the waitress won't be fired for serving
you. Help us help you.
The "pussy" order.
This is the
I-can't-order-for-myself-because-I-have-a-pussy syndrome. Here
is an example:
I walk up to a couple
(man and woman) and I say, "Would you like something to
drink?" The guy says, "Yes," then asks the woman, "What
would you like?" The woman looks at the guy, even though
I'm standing less than a foot away from her, and says to
him, "I'd like a coffee." The guy says to me, "She'd like a
coffee." I say to the woman, "Do you want cream and
sugar?" He asks her, "Do you want cream and sugar?" She
says to him, "Yes." He says to me, "Yes." When I bring the
drink, I hold the coffee out to her and say, "Here's your
coffee." She ignores me so the guy takes it and says,
Now, I'm all for letting
the guy be gallant and chivalrous and all that, but girlfriends,
this is annoying as all hell. Unless you're deaf, mute, or
can't speak English, order for yourself!!!
and flashing lights.
If your slot machine eats
your money or goes berserk in some other way, it's OK to ask me
to get someone to help you, but please don't unleash your rage
on me, even if you've been "waiting an hour!" If I see a slot
technician on my rounds, I will be more than happy to let them
know, but I can't force someone to come over.
If you need to go to the
bathroom and you want someone to watch your machine, push the
"Change" button (a while light will go on at the top) and a slot
attendant will come by. If it's not busy, they will stand next
to your machine until you come back. Please remember them with
a tip if they do this for you. A five dollar tip is the norm
for this. That may sound like a lot, but it's a small price to
pay for insuring that no one else plays your "lucky" machine and
wins a jackpot while you're gone!
The correct way to
OK, here's a quick rundown
on the basics of ordering that will make everyone happy.
Say the alcohol first. "Bacardi
and diet," not "Diet and Bacardi." And definitely not this:
"Coke...diet and rum. Bacardi." Sigh.
Call your drink by name if
it has one: "Screwdriver," not "Vodka and orange juice." You
should know the name of what you drink.
If you order a martini,
please know that just saying, "Martini," means you want gin. If
you want vodka, you need to say, "Vodka martini."
When you order martinis,
cosmopolitans, and other drinks that go in rocks glasses, you
need to say if you want it "straight up" (no ice) or "on the
rocks" (with ice). Same with ordering just a bourbon, tequila,
cognac, etc. Oh, and you can forget saying, "Shaken not
stirred." Believe me, if the waitress does actually say this to
her bartender, it's only so they can both get a good laugh.
Order coffee how you want
it, this includes saying, "Black," or "Decaf." I once took an
order from a couple ladies, one who ordered a Diet Coke, the
other ordered coffee. I said to the coffee lady, "How would you
like that?" She looked at me like I was an idiot, then said,
"Hot!" She elbowed her friend and they both bust out
laughing. So I bopped my bimbo self back to the bar, and I came
back with their drinks. I handed the Diet Coke to the first
lady, then as I gave the coffee to her friend the stand-up
comic, she said, "Do you have cream and sugar?" I said,
"No...but it's HOT!"
Tea needs to be specified
as, "Hot tea," or "Iced Tea," (or even "Long Island Iced Tea.")
And again, you need to say if you want it plain or with sugar,
Whipped cream is a given
on drinks such as Pina Coladas, hot chocolates, and even Baileys
coffees, so you need to say if you don't want it.
"Irish coffee" means
coffee with Irish whiskey. If you want Baileys Irish Cream, you
need to say, "Baileys and coffee."
Salt on the rim of glasses
is usually not permitted at the blackjack tables, and sometimes
not even in slots.
White Zinfandel is not a
white wine. If you order a white wine you will get Chablis or
Drinks come in three
glasses: Regular, short (rocks glass), and coffee. There are
tall glasses too, but these are given out only to high rollers.
"Soda" means soda water,
so if you want a Coke say, "Coke."
A "cocktail" is not an
actual name of a drink. In other words, when I ask, "What would
you like?" and you say, "A cocktail," I'm going to say, "What
kind of cocktail?" If you say, "Any kind," I'll have to smack
We do not serve peanuts or
pretzels or ice cream or other stuff you get at ball games and
carnivals. We only serve drinks.
We are not allowed to give
or purchase medication for customers.
Don't order for others.
Don't play host. When the waitress comes down the aisle, or to
a table, order as she comes to you. And don't yell to someone
on the other side of the slot machines and ask what they want to
drink. The waitress will make her way to the other side, if
it's part of her station.
Don't tell your friends,
"It's on me," then hand the waitress one dollar for all the
drinks. If you really want to be the big shot, tip like a big
shot. Just like ordering, it's really better if everyone tips
Don't tell the waitress,
"Come back in 15 minutes." This is just stupid. It may seem
that you're the only one in the casino that wants a drink, and
that the waitress is there to serve only you, but that's not the
case. She usually splits up her station in two or three parts,
and it's just a continuous back and forth. Depending on how
busy or slow it is, that's how often she comes around.
Don't say, "Don't forget
about me," if you stiff her. And don't say it if she's already
brought you two or three drinks. If she's been serving you all
this time, why would you feel the need to remind her to come
Don't send the waitress to
another aisle to get the tip from your husband. Even though
this is annoying, I will do it. Most waitresses are too
embarrassed to do this.
Don't ask, "How long will
it take?" This is an extremely stupid question. My reply is
always, "I'll be as fast as I can." There is no way I can
predict how long it will be to get a drink. There are so many
variables: how far away the bar is, how many other people order,
how many waitresses will be in line before me, if we happen to
run out of whatever it is you order, if someone bumps into me
and spills my tray....if you feel the waitress is taking too
long, then leave. It's not a big deal.
If you're standing behind
your friend playing at a machine or blackjack table, move back
to let the waitress come through to take orders or drop off
drinks. It always surprises me that most people don't
move, even when I say, "Excuse me," very politely. I
usually have to say it two or three times, and by the third time
I'm not so polite and people look at me as if I'm the rude one.
Along the same lines, please don't hold court in the center of
an aisle. And you are not allowed to use a closed
blackjack table as a lounge area. You are also not allowed
to pull together chairs in front of slot machines so that you
and your twenty relatives can have a family reunion in the slot
You must wear shoes, it is
a health violation if you don't. If you're headed to the
pool you have to be covered up, it is a sight violation if you
If there's any chance at
all that you may look to be in your twenties, bring your I.D.
If you just turned twenty-one, absolutely bring your I.D. And
it has to be a government picture I.D. There is some dispute
over expired I.D.'s but at the casino I work at, an expired I.D.
is NOT considered a valid I.D. Many employees will tell you
that you can get a wrist band from the security guard to avoid
being carded over and over, but this is not true. It is up to
each individual employee to see for himself/herself that the
person they are serving is 21 or over. If there is one argument
that you will absolutely never win, this is it. This is a very
serious law, people have lost their jobs over not carding
people, so have your I.D. ready. When I do card you, don't rush
me. I have to look at I.D.'s from all over the world, so I
don't know at a glance where all the information is, and I'm
going to take my time. And another thing, if you try to rush me
I'll assume it's because you're trying to hide something. I
once carded a guy who was with his mother, and when he handed me
his I.D. he kept his hand out as if he expected me to pass it
back to him in a couple of seconds. Well, he was really tall,
like over 6 feet, and the I.D. said 5' 10", so I said, "What's
your address?" He looked at me like I just asked him to explain
the theory of relativity, and he said, "Uh...my address?" I
said, "You don't know where you live?" He looked at his mom,
who just kept playing her machine, acting totally oblivious even
though she was sitting right next to us. I said, "Goodbye."
If you have just turned
twenty-one, you have absolutely no cause to be angry or annoyed
if you get carded. Just because you know you're twenty-one
doesn't mean the whole world knows. Yes, you're excited that
you can throw away that fake I.D. and drink legally, but don't
get an attitude. In the same way, I never understood people who
get upset being carded when they're in their late 20's or even
30's. If your biggest problem in life is looking young, you
need to re-evaluate your gratitude journal!
Another thing about
minors. Even if you're just sitting there waiting patiently for
your friends or parents as they gamble, you must leave. This
includes slot areas, table games, lounges, and bars. Any place
that has drinking and/or gambling. I cannot serve a minor even
if it's "just water," I cannot serve you (the adult) if your kid
is there with you. It's the law, so if you're the mom and you
say, "It's OK, they're with me, they're not gambling," it's not
OK. And it's also the waitress's responsibility to card people
who aren't playing or drinking. And it's also not OK to leave
your kids unattended. I have seen so many people yell at their
kids to get away from a slot machine, as if it's their kids'
fault, and tell them to "go wait over there." This is one of
those laws that the casinos take very seriously, and I don't
know why people get so upset when they're told they can't just
leave their kids unattended while they gamble. Isn't this bad
parenting? Minors also include tiny babies in strollers. You
cannot have your baby next to you while you gamble. The only
time you're allowed to have a baby with you is if it's in your
"Can I order a drink if
I'm not playing?"
I usually ask everyone who
is in a group what they want to drink even if only a few of them
are playing. The reasons are because 1. I'm nice, and 2.
usually by the time I come back with the drinks everyone's
putting at least a couple bucks in the machines. It makes
people happy to have a drink, and they want to play where
they're happy and get good service. The thing is, technically I
only have to serve the people who are actively playing.
This means that if you are a loser and just trying to get a free
drink, I don't have to serve you. If you are pretending to put
in a couple of nickels or you tell me that you just lost a
hundred bucks "over there," I still don't have to serve you
until I see that you are actually playing. It's really amazing
the lengths people will go to for a free drink. So once again
the deal here is to find a machine you want to play at, sit
down, relax, play, and when I come around I will be more than
happy to bring you a drink.
So what's the story,
are the drinks watered down or what?
No, at least not on
purpose. If you mean, "Do you guys put water in the drinks to
make them taste like shit?", then the answer is a definite no.
Why the hell would I purposely serve you a lousy drink for no
reason, especially when I want a tip?
Sometimes the bartender pre-ices the glasses so that when a
waitress comes up to order, he'll have them ready and it won't
take as long to make the drinks. This is time-efficient, but if
the ice has melted, then the drinks will be watered down. I
always make my bartenders re-ice my glasses if I see that this
has happened, but some girls don't care.
If you mean, "I can't
taste the alcohol," then there are some very easy explanations
for this. First of all, you get only one shot in a drink
(unless it's a Long Island or something where the drink itself
is made with more alcohol). These shots are pre-measured
because they are poured out of a "gun," or else a bartender has
to use a jigger if he's pouring the alcohol from a bottle.
Cameras are everywhere, and a bartender will not lose his job
for you because you can't taste the alcohol. For most people,
one shot is sufficient. For others, who are used to free-pouring
their own drinks at home and at parties, one shot is like a drop
in the ocean, they can barely taste it at all. Also, the more
you drink, the less you can taste the alcohol. When people
start ordering double Jack and Cokes from me, sometimes I just
bring them plain Cokes and they can't even tell, and they
continue ordering their virgin doubles, and they think I'm cool
for "hooking them up."
People complain about how
small the glasses are, but it's actually a good thing if you
want to taste the alcohol. I always fill my glasses all the way
with ice...the smaller the glass, the more ice you have, the
stronger the drink will taste. Makes sense, right? Not to some
people. I very rarely get complaints that my drinks taste
watered down, but some people think they can outwit me and the
casino by saying, "Can you bring me a vodka tonic in a tall
glass with less ice?" I always say, "Sure, but you realize the
drink will taste weaker." After looking confused for a second
they say, "It will?" I say, "Yes, because you will still get
only one shot of vodka, and the rest will be tonic." Another
confused look with some serious contemplation, then, "OK, just
bring it the way it was." What I usually suggest to someone if
they want to have a stronger tasting drink is to have it in a
rocks glass, a vodka with a splash of tonic. Yes, the drink is
smaller, but I've never had someone complain they couldn't taste
the alcohol that way.
If you still don't believe
that there actually is alcohol in the drink, order the shot on
the side. You may be disappointed at how small a shot is, but
now you can be sure you're getting your free drink's worth!