Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Shift: 5 PM - 1 AM
Station: Slots
It's my birthday!
Monday, March 29, 2004
Shift: 8 PM - 4 AM
Station: Lounge
It's my birthday eve! So this really drunk, loud, obnoxious, fat-ass lady
sitting at the bar said to the bartender, "I may be shit-faced, but I know I
already signed for my room charge, so I ain't signing it again!" The
bartender said, "No, it's been here on the bar the whole time, and you need to
sign it." She took her purse, dumped everything out onto the bar, rummaged
through it and said, "Where is it? Where's the receipt I signed? You
better look down there on the floor, because I signed it, and fuck if I'm
signing it again." The bartender just shook his head and ignored her.
She yelled, "You better give me your name. And there goes your $50.00
tip." Yeah. Whatever.
Friday, March 26, 2004
Shift: 1 AM - 9 AM
Station: Slots
This guy said, "I don't want a drink, but I'll take your phone number." I
was like, "Uh, no." He said, "No really, I promise I'll call you every
day." Really?! Well, shit, here it is then! I mean,
that's the real reason why I never give out my phone number...I'm afraid that
guys won't call me. Man, what a loser.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Shift: 1 AM - 9 AM
Station: Slots
This lady ordered a Cape Cod and her friend ordered a white wine. When I
brought their drinks I handed the white wine to her friend first and before I
could give the lady her Cape Cod she said to her friend, "I knew she
wouldn't get it right." I said, "Are you talking about me?" She
said, "Yes, you forgot my lime." I said, "No, I didn't. You forgot
to ask for a lime." She rolled her eyes at her friend, then said to me, "A
Cape Cod always comes with a lime." I said, "Actually, a Cape Cod
never comes with a lime. If you want a lime with it, you need to
ask for it. Now, if you would have ordered a Cape Codder, then you
would have gotten a lime." She said, "A Cape Cod, Cape Codder, what's the
difference?" I said, "A lime."
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Shift: 9 AM - 5 PM
Station: Slots
I was pretty busy today so when a old couple ordered two drinks each because
they had been waiting awhile, I was nice enough to comply. When I brought
her two Cokes and his two beers, the lady said, "We're church mice, so we don't
have much money, but we're going to give you all that we have." And she
gave me five nickels. Five nickels. Now, I don't know what "church
mice" means, but I'm guessing it has to do with God, and from what I know about
God, he lives off tips too, only they call it "tithes." If they tithe like
they tip, well...thank God I'm not God!
Monday, March 22, 2004
Shift: 9 AM - 5 PM
Station: Slots
Some guy had his kid on a leash. Now, I guess that's a good idea if you
have a rabid kid who might run off and bite someone, but otherwise it seems a
bit ridiculous. Anyway, as I was watching them walk in front of me, the
kid wandered ahead, and I swear to God the guy snapped the leash and said,
"Heel!" My mouth dropped open as I saw the kid come back, and the guy
patted his head and said, "Good boy." What in the hell?!
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Shift: 12 PM - 8 PM
Station: Lounge
I was robbed!!! Someone stole my tip jar off of my tray, they even took my
glitter lipstick - how fucked up is that?! Well, I hope whoever took it
bought some drugs and O.D.'d. Did I mention that I love working in
the lounge?
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Shift: 7 PM - 3 AM
Station: Lounge
One of the pleasures of working in the lounge is having people blame me for the
price of the drinks. This guy asked, "How much is a Corona?" I said,
"$5.50." He said, "You're outta your mind! I'm not paying that much
for a beer!" So I turned away and started to ask the people at the next
table what they wanted to order. So of course the guy said, "Hey!
Aren't you going to take my order?" I told my customers, "Excuse me, I'll
be right back." One of them said, "Don't worry, take your time." So
I said to the guy, "I'm sorry, I thought you said you weren't going to pay for a
beer." He said, "Well, how much is a Captain and Coke?" I said,
"More than a Corona." He said, "OK, give me one of those, I'm gonna be
ripped off no matter what." I said, "Will this be cash?" He said,
"Yeah, why? Do I have to pay first?" I said, "No, I only make rude
people pay first." When I brought his drink, guess what? He was
gone...of course! The people at the next table said, "He left as soon as
you went to the bar." I said, "I should've expected it." One guy
said, "I'll buy that drink from you, it's Captain Morgan, right?" I said,
"Are you sure? You don't have to do that." He said, "Yeah, that guy
was an ass, and my wife's a waitress, so I know it's a pain for you to have to
return it." How cool was that?
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Shift: 11 AM - 6 PM
Station: Pit/Dice
It was "Nice Customers Day." Everyone was nice, everyone was polite, and a
guy who didn't want a drink gave me a green (twenty-five dollars), "just for
being beautiful." Who cares that he told every other waitress the same
thing...he was still my best friend for the day!
Monday, March 15, 2004
Shift: 6 PM - 2 AM
Station: Lounge
Why is it that when a cool song comes on, like "Kiss" by Prince, a fat girl will
get up and dance by herself and put on a strip show? Then some guy who
looks like Bill Gates will join her, and they'll be grinding and basically
grossing everyone out. That's what happened when I worked the lounge
tonight. Great, as if working the lounge in itself wasn't punishment enough.
Saturday, March 13, 2004
Shift: 7:30 PM - 3:30 AM
Station: Lounge
So I was out with my friends the other day and I gave my web site card to some
random guy, he wanted to know what my web site was about so I said, "It's a
guide to Vegas from a cocktail waitress point of view." He studied my card
for a minute, then said, "Are you a cocktail waitress?" Thinking to
myself, boy this guy's an idiot, I said, "Um, no. That's my twin sister,
she wants me to pass out her cards." He said, "Where does she work?"
I said, "You'll have to go on her web site to find out...I can't give away
everything!" So he e-mails me: "hi this is brad yoursister gave me
yourcardithink your great please tell me where you danceand what nites you dance
i'd rellylike to see you dance" OK. Thank you...drive through.
Friday, March 12, 2004
Shift: 1 AM - 9 AM
Station: Slots/Pit/High Limit
In response to all two of my so-called fans (Denise and Redd) who have been
bitching to me that I've been slacking off on my Daily Rounds, here's the
deal...SO WHAT!!!
Saturday, March 6, 2004
Shift: 5 PM - 1 AM
Station: Slots
Spring break is here - aargh!!!
Thursday, March 4, 2004
Shift: 1 AM - 9 AM
Station: Slots
Here is the first contribution from a bartender:
This past Friday night two young women approached my bar and ordered two Apple martinis (see also What Young White Girls Order) and one of them pulled out a credit card. You never know who is going to tip you but we do pre-judge to some extent and I was pretty sure about these two, factoring in that people are often more generous with credit cards than with "real" money. So I went through the whole procedure. I chilled their glasses and shook up their Apple martinis and strained them into the glasses. They commented on how good they looked and thanked me and one of them handed me her credit card. I ran the card and handed her the receipt to sign. And she stiffed me.
Now getting stiffed is part of the job and as bartender I would say it happens only about 10% of the time, but not much is worse than getting stiffed on a credit card. The customer can't even pretend to be ignorant of the fact that we live in a tipping society and that they have somehow managed to avoid tipping situations for at the very least twenty-one years. No! It's right there on the receipt - Gratuity - followed by a blank space where you fill in the amount, conveniently located for the complicated arithmetic. That is where she wrote 0. Zero, as in "We love the drinks and you get nothing."
But it didn't end there because now they wanted directions.
"Could you tell us how to get to the little girls room?"
"Can you see that big 'restrooms' sign right in front of you?"
"Oh yeah," they giggled. "We are so stupid," they didn't say - and didn't have to.
And I couldn't resist adding, "The door says 'Ladies,' but you can go right in."
One of them turned and started walking while the other continued looking at me - puzzled by my instructions - like a dog when you pretend to throw a ball across the room. Then she shrugged her shoulders and headed off. Oblivious. Next!
Tuesday, March 2, 2004
Shift: 11 AM - 5 PM
Station: Slots/Sports Book/Keno
I was walking through my slots when some guy turned around and knocked my tray
full of drinks all over the floor. A Bloody Mary spilled over the front of
my uniform so I looked and smelled really, really putrid. Bills and coins
from my tip jar went flying. A bunch of really nice customers helped me
pick up my stuff, but the guy who knocked my tray over...you'll never guess what
he did...he picked up my some of my coins and started playing a slot
machine!!! I didn't even notice until a customer said to me, "Oh my
God, look what that guy is doing!" My mouth just dropped, then I started
laughing. When he ran out of coins he actually bent down to pick up some
more and a couple other customers said, "Hey! That's not your money!"
He never said a word, didn't even look at anyone, then calmly walked away.
The customers were like, "Can you believe that guy? Oh my God!" That
was super-nice of them to help me out. I'm glad that guy didn't win a
jackpot...we woulda been boxing!
Monday, March 1, 2004
Shift: 9 AM - 5 PM
Station: Slots
OK, what the hell was the deal with Average Joe?! Gil dumped
Larissa because her ex-boyfriend was Fabio??? I'm telling you, that ending
was a complete rip-off, especially how they built up how Larissa had a BIG
secret...you woulda thought she would reveal that she used to be a well-hung
hairy guy, or that she misappropriated sperm bank donations, or at the very
least that she auctioned off Bill Clinton's cigars on eBay. But no...she
dated a guy who killed a goose with his face on a roller coaster. Man, and I thought
Joe Millionaire sucked!