Sunday, February 20,2005

dooced adjective /dust/
having lost your job because of something you have put in an Internet weblog

The word dooced was coined in 2002 by Heather Armstrong, a Los Angeles web designer who lost her job after writing about work colleagues in her personal blog, dooce.com. Her subsequent advice to fellow bloggers is straightforward: ‘Never write about work on the Internet unless your boss knows and sanctions the fact …’

- Macmillan English Dictionary www.macmillandictionary.com
 (Thanks to Guy Jackson, for permission to reprint)

Good thing my boss knows about and likes my web site!

Monday, February 14, 2005

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday, February 1, 2005
February is here, so let me just say this: I'll update my web site whenever I damn well feel like it!  Yeah, I know my Daily Rounds says "Daily Updates" and my Pic of the Week says "Weekly Updates" in flashing neon.  In case you haven't figured it out by now, I lied.  One of my better qualities.  Hey, if you really want to know how badly I suck, try e-mailing me.  You might get a reply sometime this year!  Speaking of e-mails, I really do reply to everyone.  The only reason I won't reply is if you e-mailed me before my computer crashed the first time.  Or if you e-mailed me after that but before my computer crashed the second time.  Or if you're an idiot.  Unfortunately, no idiots have e-mailed me lately.  Too bad.  I'd put them here for your amusement.

So, I watched American Idol tonight, but before that I watched Who Wants to be a Millionaire.  The last guy on the show got stuck on a question, something like, "95% of DNA with no known purpose is called what?"  Two of the answers were "Silent DNA" or "Junk DNA." (I don't remember the other two, and they aren't relevant to my story.)  And I was thinking, I should know the answer to this, not because I'm smart, but because I'm addicted to Forensic Files and all the gory true-crime shows.  And I just recently learned that DNA profiling can only be taken from white blood cells, not red. (Stick with me and you'll get that GED yet!)  But I'd never heard about silent or junk DNA.  Well, he didn't know the answer, so he decided to call his friend, a doctor.  Meredith (not Regis) laughed and made a joke about how his friend should know the answer or he wouldn't be a good doctor.  So he called his friend, the doctor, and his friend, the doctor, replied, "I know it's not junk DNA...(tick-tock tick-tock, time was running out)...I think it's silent DNA...it's definitely not junk DNA...I'm 75% sure it's silent DNA."  Buzz!  The guy said, "Well, that's what I was thinking too, and I'm going to go with my friend, because he knows everything.  Silent DNA, final answer."  And guess what?  His friend, the doctor, was wrong!  And just like that he went from $8000.00 to $1000.00.  Bummer.  How embarrassing.  Must've been a Ph.D.  Either that or his waiting room's gonna be real empty tomorrow.

And I had a feeling it was junk DNA - pinky swear!  I even said to my boyfriend, "I think it's junk DNA."  There's your proof.  Now, I've been watching Millionaire since it started years ago, I even called a few times to try to get on the show.  It would have been a disaster if I'd made it, but there was no chance of that, believe me.  They asked three fastest fingers question, which was really flattering, but they could've waited 'til the cows came home and I'd still be like stuck on the first one.  So I gave up, resigned to the fact that I wasn't smart enough to get on the show.  But after watching it this long, I realized I'm not stupid enough either.  Last night there was a question, "In 2004, Barbie dumped Ken for a new boyfriend named what?"  Blaine?  Ethan?  Kyle?  Dylan?  I guessed Kyle, my boyfriend guessed Ethan.  The contestant didn't know either, so he took his money and ran.  The answer: Blaine.  Blaine.  That's when you wish your phone-a-friend is your niece.  I know a Blaine.  He doesn't look like Barbie's type.  But then again, he is the complete opposite of Ken, so maybe Barbie wanted to go slumming for awhile.  Barbies do that.  Look at Pamela Anderson.

So I was thinking, your phone-a-friend should be sitting in front of the computer, ready to Google your question.  Of course you need a good typist, a good speller, and someone with a real Internet connection, not that AOL crap.  Then you just give them the key words.  No time for greetings or well-wishing.  "2004, Barbie, boyfriend." BAM!  Let's try it right now and see what happens...there it is, .19 seconds...fifth one down: Barbie's Boyfriend Blaine!  Let's try another one just for shits and giggles.  "95%, dna, no purpose."  There it is, .78 seconds...second one down: health.discovery.com - "junk DNA" - it serves no purpose.  One hundred percent, Regis, and I'm not even a doctor.  And that's my final answer.  So here are some suggestions for phone-a-friends:

OK, here's the thing.  If you're a mime, you deserve the death penalty.  But I guess if you're a mime on American Idol you actually sing better than ninety percent of the contestants.  And what was up with LL Cool J, giving hugs to all the losers?  That was actually very sweet of him.  Awww.  Of course Simon had to get in on the action and be an ass, as hard as it is to believe, and suggest a group hug in an act of pseudo-compassion.  Oh Simon...you're my hero. 

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